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February 5, 2012 by Julie Moon
Hard day today. I feel scared to leave the hospital. I feel like I’m in pieces. I am sore all over. All I want to do is curl up on my side and sleep but drains keep me from being able to do so. My back aches and I know it won’t just be better tomorrow.
My friends are coming. I don’t think they will get the response they expect. I don’t want to talk I just want to sleep through the next week. I am sad. I am so glad they are coming. I know I can just cry and let it all go…it makes me so sad to think that women have to go through things like this without a huge support of people. If I feel like this and I have all the best friends in the world then what in the world must they feel like?
I won’t lie…being cut on both sides of your body is painful. My breasts feel engorged…like they don’t belong to me but that someone hung some sandbags on my chest. They are warm and look great though. They are connecting to my body. My back side hurts. I’m scared about riding in the car. It’s gonna hurt. I want to triple my pain meds and just be knocked out.
Category The Journey | Tags: BRCA,breast cancer,decisions,emotions,family,friends,pain,recovery,Scared | No Comments
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December 22, 2011 by Julie Moon
I had a friend stop me at baby girl’s school last week to tell me about her sister who was just diagnosed with breast cancer. She’s got four children, no family history and she’s young…maybe 40. She was nursing her 8 month old and found a lump.
I had another friend stop me at church to tell me that she finally went and had her first mammogram. She’d been putting it off and decided to go and do it after hearing my story.
These are the reminders that help me when I’m up late at night feeling nauseous that in only 42 days I will be changing my life in an intense way. Christmas has been so busy it’s almost hard to even think about it yet. Today I had to call and schedule a couple of things that must be done before surgery and it hit me hard. I know this is right but man is it just MIND BLOWING all at the same time.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,decisions,fear,friends | No Comments
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December 10, 2011 by Julie Moon
We had all the bills come in today for Scarlett’s broken foot in October…xrays are not cheap. That on top of the cost of my biopsy, mammogram, ultrasound. We still have so many medical bills from this year, dental bills, etc…and the funniest part is that we were really all well all year. So today as we were discussing the cost of my surgery it came up that maybe we should postpone the surgery another year. I really have no idea how we are going to work another $5000+ into our budget for 2012. So very grateful that we have health insurance and that this is even an option so that I am not facing a $200,000+ cost…but wow…still a lot to swallow. I’m feeling really overwhelmed by the cost.
Category The Journey | Tags: bills,biopsy,decisions,expenses,fear,finances,insurance,waiting | No Comments
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December 3, 2011 by Julie Moon
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,charleston,decisions,God | No Comments
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November 29, 2011 by Julie Moon
The Mister and I traveled to Charleston, SC this weekend to meet with the plastic and breast surgeons. We left on Saturday and were able to have two days to ourselves…without children to reconnect and just enjoy each other before the appointment day. I am so grateful for my sister watching the kids Saturday and Sunday…a wonderful babysitter helping out on Sunday night and Monday morning and one of my best friends coming over Monday after school to keep the kiddos, clean up the house and get everyone to bed before we got home. What a network of great people I have supporting me on this journey. It was reassuring to see that I could be gone for 3 days and things still function as normal. I have to admit that I am probably more nervous about what is going to happen to my kiddos when I’m gone for 2 weeks than I am about the surgery itself…ah motherhood!
The Mister and I were able to eat at some great restaurants, check out some local shops and the market and visit Folly beach at Sunset. Did I mention we slept? Oh the bliss of no children in the house kind of sleep…no naps interrupted by squeals of disagreement over the wii or by a toddler banging her fist over your head because she is hungry. We slept well and we napped. It was glorious!
I feel peaceful. I feel content. I feel excited. I feel nervous. I feel happy. I feel sad. I feel grateful. I feel blessed. I feel spared. I feel sure. I feel crazy. I feel amazed.
No wonder I can’t sleep yet tonight.
February 1, 2012…a day that will change my life forever.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,charleston,decisions,family,fear,friends,mister,plastic surgeon,surgeon,travel,waiting | No Comments
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November 12, 2011 by Julie Moon
Friday I went in for my breast biopsy. I had a 1 mm spot on my ultrasound that Dr. Stallings felt was worthy of investigation. I went in to have her do a needle biopsy and aspirate the fluid and we will send it off to pathology to see if it is cancerous or not. I believe she did a core biopsy as well. I should really ask more questions. My mom met me at the breast center. It was a very quick and simple procedure. They numb the area and then I didn’t feel anything after that. She said I would bruise quite heavily since it was near the muscle. So far I show no bruising though I was pretty sore yesterday. I am pretty sure the waiting is tougher for my mom than for me. I don’t have any feelings that this is cancer. I can’t do anything about it until Tuesday or Wednesday when I hear from Dr. Stallings so I am really just fine. I know my plan of action should anything come back negative and it is the same plan should everything come back normal.
I am so grateful for the support I feel I am getting from friends and family. You never really know how your friends will respond to you telling them you’re going to have a mastectomy even though you don’t have cancer. Most of them tell me I’m being brave. To me it isn’t about being brave but about being smart. I’m actually pretty scared but I feel like my knowledge overpowers that fear. It really breaks my heart that there are so many women out there who won’t have the BRCA testing because they are afraid to know.
I met another BRCA + woman at the breast center yesterday. She was in for a lump and planning her prophylactic bilateral as well. She seemed positive, strong and smart. I gave her my email…I hope she contacts me. I met another woman there whose mother was going through radiation. She said she herself was in that office all the time because she always had lots of lumps. She seemed more nervous, unsure of what was going on and uninformed about what might be going on in her body. Knowledge is power. I hope after our conversations she reads up a little more about her situation and becomes empowered.
I feel strong. I feel smart. I don’t feel brave yet but I know I will. I will BE brave when the time comes to be brave.
Category The Journey | Tags: biopsy,BRCA,breast cancer,decisions,family,fear,surgeon | No Comments
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November 12, 2011 by Julie Moon
Grateful beyond belief for health insurance but all the little details are so confusing and annoying.
Tuesday I talked to the NOLA insurance people and she said that my insurance is out of network. She said that every single insurance is out of network except for Cigna. That means that my total out of pocket would be $8000 instead of $4000 for the covered procedures. I’m still not entirely clear if everything is covered. I spoke with the Charleston office and they are IN network for my insurance. So I think the path becomes clearer. I am planning a consultation with them on November 28th. The Mister will travel with me and we will meet with both the breast surgeon and the plastic surgeon that day.
Charleston is about a 4.5 hour drive but we will probably go for a couple days before and just get comfortable with the city…see what the hospital looks like, etc. If after visiting Charleston I do not feel 100% great about it I might go to visit New Orleans. I found out on Wednesday that one of my great friends gave birth at the hospital in Charleston…she said it was small but very nice.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,charleston,decisions,insurance,mister,nola,plastic surgeon,surgeon,travel | No Comments
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November 7, 2011 by Julie Moon
I think I’ve decided I’m going to do my surgery in New Orleans. I spent a long night talking with my best friend last night and we just talked our way through most of it. Today I talked to the Mister about it all and I think it’s pretty clear that I’m leaning towards going to New Orleans. I don’t really feel like either place is a bad choice…but I think if expenses are not accounted for I am definitely leaning towards NO. I’m sure I’ll probably change my mind 12 more times before I schedule the surgery…but anyone who knows me knows that THAT is what I do. I should be able to get everything scheduled this week and figure out flight information by the weekend. Mister is traveling with me this time and my mom will travel with me for my surgeries. Mom told me to close my eyes, put my hand over my heart and envision where I was when I had my surgery. I keep trying that…and it’s not totally clear just yet. I believe it will be….eventually.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,decisions,family,mister,plastic surgeon | No Comments
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November 5, 2011 by Julie Moon
I spoke with someone from the New Orleans clinic today and I really am undecided about which is a better choice for me. What I want to do is to visit both and do a consultation with each one before I need to make a decision. I am hoping we can come up with the funds to be able to fly to New Orleans and to visit Charleston. I think I will feel more peaceful about deciding once I do this. I am also trying to find out if there are any differences in cost.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,decisions,insurance,plastic surgeon | No Comments
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November 5, 2011 by Julie Moon
This also really spoke to me this afternoon when I saw it on etsy.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,decisions,family,fear | 2 Comments
