Posts Tagged ‘decisions’

  1. Symmetry

    January 16, 2013 by Julie Moon

    No woman is really symmetrical.  We all know this.  But it’s something I believe we all desire.  It’s incredibly frustrating to try to shop for a bra when you’re not.  I was not symmetrical before surgery.  I thought given that we were starting from nothing that I would likely be symmetrical this time.  I am not…and even more so than before surgery.  I’m trying hard to not be critical of myself and what I have post surgery.  I’m considering some different options.  Praying for some clarity and peace.

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  2. Over The Mountain

    December 12, 2012 by Julie Moon

    Today marks two weeks post surgery.  This was my third major surgery for 2012.  My mom jokingly calls this one my barbie surgery because this was the one where we fixed all the scars, cavernous hips missing large amounts of tissue and recreated a nipple (sort of…it’s nothing special).  I traveled to Charleston on the 26th with my mom.  She’s been so amazing this year for me.  She’s been through the toughest parts.  She has been the one to see me hurting the most and she’s been the one to receive the most complaints and general recovering Julieisms.

    We stayed with our friends again who we lived with for a week and a half after my first surgery.  It was so great to catch up. I stayed at their house so long before it felt like coming home in a way to visit them and sleep in “my old bed”.  We got up way early for surgery and like a doofus I took my antibiotics (on an empty pre surgery stomach).  I do this every time because they tell you to start them the day before and I’m such a darn rule follower that I took it that morning.  Nevermind that they were already going to give it to me in my IV at the hospital.  So I eventually threw it up in the preop waiting area. Oh well…maybe someday I’ll learn or remember.  I brought my beautiful quilt with me again as I waited.  Every staff member was wonderful, my doc, nurses, anesthesiology staff…they were all so great.  I don’t remember now how long surgery was…but I was out sometime after lunch.  So maybe 5 hours?  We stayed at East Cooper overnight so I could sleep on the air bed.  I was so grateful to not have to wake up and get up and get out of the hospital right after surgery.  That was such a pain the last time.  I have lots of blood pressure issues when standing up for days after surgery.  Then we came home to Athens and my mom came with me too.

    I came home with two drains and a compression garment from my knees to my ribs.  Joe lent me a laptop to so I could get cozy in the recliner while keeping up with the world and my friends.  It’s all a bit of a blur now.  Heck, life feels like that when I’m not on pain meds or recovering from surgery.  Mom helped me wrap Christmas presents. I tried to get most of my shopping done early so that I wouldn’t feel stressed about getting Christmas ready for three small children.

    My friends brought meals again…I feel like I owe them all a night out.  In fact I get emotional every time I think about the people who have served me this year.  Near and far I have felt so much love and support it is just more than my heart can hold and my heart bursts out through my tears every single time.   I truly know who my friends are this year.   I truly know that my family loves me dearly.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that this village I am a part of is good to it’s core and without them I would be lost.

    This past weekend the Mister had some work to do in Charleston so we planned weekend sleepovers for the bigs and Joe, Scarlett and I traveled to Charleston together.  Scarlett and I hung out in the hotel and she enjoyed jumping on the bed, watching tv in bed and buffet breakfast.  It was quite a treat to spend time with just one child…but I definitely missed my big kids so much.    We saw Dr. Craigie on Monday and he pulled both my drains! Thank the Lord!  He said I should wear my compression for another couple weeks.

    Though I still have lots of visible scars I feel like my body looks more like normal than it has in a year.  I feel close to whole.

    Tonight at dinner Savannah asked me “So which one of us kids do you think has the gene?”  *sigh*  I told her “I hope none of you sweetheart.”  She’s thinking lots about it I know.  It’s deep in that brain of hers that goes a million miles a minute.  I know my children won’t fully GET what I have done until they have a friend whose mother gets breast cancer, goes through chemo and heave forbid dies.  They are too young to have SEEN that yet in life.  But I hope they understand what this year of sacrifice has meant for them.   Scarlett said “Mommy I wish you weren’t sick.” and I know that I”m not “sick”.  I know that I’ve done this so I won’t ever have to be “sick” from breast cancer…like so many others in my family.

    I’m so excited about 2013 for them.  I’m so excited about a mom who isn’t traveling out of town for surgeries.  I’m so excited about a mom who doens’t have wounds and can get in the pool.  I’m so excited about a mom who feels great and can really enjoy the year with them.  My children and my husband have been strong troopers.  My husband…no words for the love and support he has given me through this decision and my journey.

    Whew…what a year.  My journey isn’t over.  There are still some more surgeries in my future regarding ovaries.  I still have some decisions to make but overall…this was the biggest mountain and I’m on the other side.  I didn’t climb the mountain alone and sometimes I was carried but we made it over the mountain.  God is good!

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  3. A Little Less Satisfaction

    October 3, 2012 by Julie Moon

    I have some of the same feelings about my breast reconstruction that I have about my wedding.  Let me explain.

    I got married 13 years ago.  This was before people had cell phones, digital cameras and blogs.  We barely had the internet back then.  Weddings didn’t seem nearly as creative as they are now.  If you hadn’t seen it before and you weren’t one of those super creative types you had a typical wedding.  Which is awesome…but let’s face it, not quite as cool as some of the weddings happening today.  It’s easy to get caught up in Pinterest and see beautiful weddings with creative ideas and wish you had “done that” for your wedding.  I get a feeling of dissatisfaction about my wedding…I don’t like it. I usually promptly close Pinterest  and the feelings go away.

    I have been having those same feelings about my reconstruction.  Technology and medicine never stops.  It is inevitable that breast reconstruction is only going to get better and better.  The choices available are going to blow my mind.  I know my mom has some of these feelings about her own reconstruction.  She had her surgery four years before my own and it has amazed us what was available to me that wasn’t quite as well known and/or available to her.  But I have to quiet that voice in my head that wonders if I should have chosen a different type of reconstruction.  I am happy with my reconstruction but I do have things that are still not quite right.  I know I have another surgery in November but I wonder if I will still have some of these feelings after that surgery too.  I want to help others but I think that there might come a point where I just have to quit looking things up and researching and being involved with the previvor forums for fear that my involvement will keep me from being satisfied with where I am.  I will never stop being an advocate for breast health, breast cancer research and breast reconstruction.  I do have two daughters…they may very well have the BRCA gene mutation.  My efforts to find a cure are for them as much as they are for me.

     

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  4. November 27th it is

    August 21, 2012 by Julie Moon

    This is how I feel tonight.

    I had a great drive to and from Charleston today with my sweet husband.  We left early at 8 am and returned around 8:30 pm tonight.  It was so great to spend that time alone with him.  When you have three children you just don’t get that much undivided attention from your spouse.   We had a great spiritual discussion, laughed and I felt really loved by him.  I’m so grateful he is so supportive of this journey.  I couldn’t imagine trying to convince him that driving to Charleston for a surgery was/is the best plan for me if he wasn’t on board with the plan.

    Everything is looking good and healing well and softening as it should.  Dr. Craigie seemed pleased with how things looked and said I was ready to finish up.  We planned a surgery date for November 27th.  The kids will be back in school so it should be a little more manageable than my summer surgery date was.  We will finish my nipple reconstruction on the left side, fill up one part of the right breast that needs some fullness and then he will do a revision of the donor site.  That revision means they will open up the scar and take some fat from below the scar and fat from above the scar and fill in the concave area.  It will hopefully help things to be more proportional.    For those who don’t know the scar on my backside goes basically from hip to hip in a V.   This should be the final surgery I need.  It’s inpatient for one night only because they like for me to sleep on that special air filled bed for one night after surgery.   We asked if they could give us a special spa room since our deductible for the year has been “met” (though we are still slowly paying it to everyone).  They just laughed.

    It was interesting today.  Dr. Craigie is a laid back guy.  I love that about him but today it made me a little insecure to tell him all that I wanted “fixed”.  I think what I realized is that maybe he is used to dealing with “sick” people who are really not interested in more surgery to get themselves back to normal.  They are more focused on survival…which I get.  I wanted him to sell himself a bit more I suppose but overall I know that he will really do a great job.  I do miss Christina…the PA I had for the first stage.  She moved to another state to follow her husband to a new job.  I could sure use a chat with her tonight.  She was such an encourager.

     

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  5. Planning for Stage 3

    August 20, 2012 by Julie Moon

    It’s been a long time since I posted.  Life has been busy.  The kids are all back in school and we are back in our routine.  Tomorrow the mister and I are headed to Charleston to meet with Dr. Craigie.  I wanted to see him in person now that I am all healed up from stage 2.  I plan to discuss our plan for finishing my nipple reconstruction as well as what he might be able to offer in regards to modifying the donor site.  My back side has some very large concave areas (obviously) and hopefully they are able to do a lift to fill in that area some and make it not so obvious I had tissue removed.  I have no idea what we will actually come away with tomorrow in regards to a plan.  I am looking forward to it though.  It brings me lots of peace to be able to see Dr. Craigie and know that I am making progress.

    I feel really normal most days.  I did yard work yesterday…lots of digging which I couldn’t have done a few months ago.  I’m working again and that makes me very happy.

    I wish I could stay in Charleston for more than a couple hours tomorrow…that place holds such a sacred place in my heart. I think I need an I “heart” Charleston teeshirt..hee hee!

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  6. Shopping Adventures

    July 11, 2012 by Julie Moon

    I have been shopping and shopping lately….for what you say?  Swimsuits.  This has been the most confusing year ever for me.  Not only do I have completely different size and shape breasts but my backside is shaped all differently around my hips. I have been totally lost when I’m shopping.  I feel like I am shopping for the first time.  I ended up buying TONS of stuff online and then taking back what didn’t fit.  Lands End has been my hero.  I also have a great friend who brought over piles of her swimsuits and let me try them on and she even let me borrow a suit for our vacation.  There is nothing quite like feeling good in a swimsuit.  I was so grateful to get to that point in my recovery.  I’m still not done and I have some things I dislike or need fixed on both breasts still….but I think I totally rocked the swimsuit at the beach.   I guarantee there wasn’t a person there who could tell the difference.  To all my fellow BRCA sisters…you’re going to look HOT when you get those darn drains out and get all those holes healed up…it really does happen!

    The summer has been so busy with things going on for the kids and vacation that I haven’t really thought about what lies ahead for me and my body.  I got a card today in the mail that I need to schedule a follow up with my breast surgeon.   I will probably plan a day trip to Charleston once the kids are in school again to see Dr. Baron and Dr. Craigie.  It’s almost time to map out my next steps whether they are this year or later.

    Category The Journey | Tags: ,,,,,,,,, | 3 Comments

  7. Free Webinar on Natural Breast Reconstruction

    March 29, 2012 by Julie Moon

    The Center for Natural Breast Reconstruction will be having a free webinar on Thursday, April 12, 2012 7:00 p.m. ET / 4:00 p.m. PT

    Sign up here for the free webinar: http://breastreconstructionnetwork.com/rightforme/

    From their website:

    When you join us on April 12, you’ll discover…

    • Exactly what natural breast reconstruction is and whether you’re a good match for the procedures we offer.
    • What all the acronyms mean…DIEP, GAP, TUG, SIEA.
    • What you can expect in terms of hospital stays, recovery time, and scarring.
    • Answers to insurance questions relating to breast reconstruction. Our insurance specialist will be on hand during our Q&A.
    One in eight women in the U.S. will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in her life.

    Take Control of Your Life!

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  8. Stage 2 on the books

    March 28, 2012 by Julie Moon

    Today I called and scheduled my stage 2 of surgery.  It will be on May 22nd in Charleston, SC.  Same docs, same hospital, same beautiful city…this time I’m really excited.  This surgery will be outpatient but I do have to be there a day on either side…possibly two days post surgery in town.   In stage one they left an oval shaped piece of skin from my donor site (yes my booty) attached to the fat tissue they used to create my breasts…so I have that skin on my breasts now.  Obviously none of you have seen it but it’s something I see every day.  In stage 2 they will remove that skin and I will be left with one short scar out to the side of my breast.  They will also make sure all the fat tissue has survived and remove any that hasn’t.  They will recreate my left nipple which didn’t survive the surgery (out of that skin flap…fascinating right?).  They will also do some contouring to make sure the breasts are the size and shape that looks best.  I do not think I will have any drains.   Hopefully this will be a piece of cake compared to stage 1.  If all heals well my breasts will be finished…done! I am so excited!

    It’s amazing how much I have become accustom to my new breasts.  At first it really felt like they were foreign objects on my chest.  I had such a hard time breathing and being able to stay calm.  Now even though I don’t really think I have regained any sensation in the breasts that I didn’t have when I first had surgery they do feel more normal.  What a blessing that is.  It’s not a concept that I can even accurately describe in words…if you’ve been there…you understand.  I’m growing and changing just like everything in life….grateful for these plants that were sent to me that remind me of just that.

    Did I mention I’m so excited?!!!!!

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  9. My Heart Decided

    February 17, 2012 by Julie Moon

    Dr. James Craigie

    Dr. Paul Baron

    Last night as I was lying in my bed waiting for my body to fall asleep my thoughts turned to my surgeons in Charleston.  I started to think through the first time I met them.

    I drove from Athens, GA to Charleston, SC with the Mister so that we could visit the city and see if these were the right doctors for me.  Some friends of mine who used to live in Charleston recommended a wonderful place to stay and we spent a whole day enjoying the city.  The next day we drove to the Charleston Breast Center and first met with Dr. Craigie, plastic surgeon and his PA (whom I had already had over an hour conversation with over the phone…she was amazing and answered all my questions in depth).  I already felt so comfortable since I had been in contact with them over the phone.  In fact when I had emailed I had gotten a reply from Dr. Craigie himself.  They were so amazing.  The Mister had so many questions and Dr. Craigie fielded them all.  They gave us so much attention and put me at ease.  It really was feeling like the right choice.  Then I was able to meet with Dr. Baron, the breast surgeon and his PA.  Dr. Baron was very attentive to my questions and then at the end of our meeting he leaned over and gave me a hug and said “You’re going to be ok.  We’re going to take good care of you.”  It was right then that my heart decided.  These were the right men for the job.  Not only are they amazing surgeons but they were compassionate and caring.  I felt as though I had two fathers who were going to care for me like a daughter.  We scheduled my surgery for February 1, 2012.  I would not see them again until the day before surgery.

    They did not disappoint when it came to be surgery time.  I met with Dr. Craigie the day before to be marked for surgery.  This was the first time my mom had met him and he immediately greeted her with a hug.  I felt so grateful for the PA Christina…seeing her was instant comfort.  All of my pre-op and post-op meetings with them have been wonderful.

    Last night I began to cry.  My tears were not sad tears even though I’m still so uncomfortable and unable to sleep on my side.  My tears were of gratitude for the healing hands of Charleston.  I missed them.  It seems so strange for them to be far away and not be able to see them.  I am not sure if I will need to go back for a checkup before stage 2 of my surgery.  I am grateful that I decided to go to Charleston.  I will be eternally grateful for Dr. Craigie, Christina and Dr. Baron.  They went above and beyond and took care of the whole person.

    Dr. James Craigie and Dr. Richard Kline, The Center for Natural Breast Reconstruction, Charleston, SC – on facebook 

    Dr. Paul Baron, Charleston Breast Center, Charleston, SC – on facebook

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  10. ignorance to empowerment

    February 12, 2012 by Julie Moon

    I have had a very hard day.   I’ve been having adverse reactions to the pain medications that I have been taking.  I feel so overstimulated and prickly and uneasy from the inside out.   Thankfully we have decided to quit taking these meds and try something different tomorrow.  It is an awful feeling…like when you have a limb fall asleep…that prickly feeling as it’s waking up…that’s what I feel all over my body when I take those medications.  So goodbye Percocet and Lortab.  May I never need you again in this lifetime.

    In the middle of the day was a special treat.  My sister paid for a local woman to come over and give mom and I pedicures here at the house.  It was so sweet and relaxing for the most part.  My pain meds caused the end to get a little weird because my senses were overstimulated and I could hardly breathe…everything smelled so chemically strong even though it wasn’t.  I did sleep this afternoon and though that was good I still feel awful and can’t wait for these meds to be GONE from my body.

    I felt as though the whole day was ending on such a sad and sour note.  I was feeling down and very sorry for myself.  It’s in these moments that I feel regret for choosing this path.  I feel sad that I don’t have to be feeling this way but put myself in this situation.  Let’s just put it this way…it’s not a good place.

    And then tonight around 9 pm.  I got a message in my facebook inbox.  The person is my friend but not someone I regularly see or speak to.  We had been more involved in each other’s lives before there were 6 children between us.   Our paths have crossed from time to time but I did not know her story.  Tonight she shared her story with me.  She wrote about her mother’s breast cancer at age 45 and losing her father just a few years before that.  Her mother survived that battle but has now been faced with another area they will biopsy.  She had been talking to her mother about me and her mother decided to get the BRCA testing done.  They are still waiting on results and then will decide on their path after those results are in.   It was an amazing story but the line that really struck my heart was this.

    “Following your story of empowerment has made me choose a path of empowerment over the path of ignorance that I have been on.”

    I will sleep well tonight because my heart is full.  Two women are DOING SOMETHING because I did something and wrote about it.  Her sharing that with me today is helping me to keep on keeping on! It’s the sunrise on this dark day I’ve had today.

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