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February 5, 2012 by Julie Moon
Hard day today. I feel scared to leave the hospital. I feel like I’m in pieces. I am sore all over. All I want to do is curl up on my side and sleep but drains keep me from being able to do so. My back aches and I know it won’t just be better tomorrow.
My friends are coming. I don’t think they will get the response they expect. I don’t want to talk I just want to sleep through the next week. I am sad. I am so glad they are coming. I know I can just cry and let it all go…it makes me so sad to think that women have to go through things like this without a huge support of people. If I feel like this and I have all the best friends in the world then what in the world must they feel like?
I won’t lie…being cut on both sides of your body is painful. My breasts feel engorged…like they don’t belong to me but that someone hung some sandbags on my chest. They are warm and look great though. They are connecting to my body. My back side hurts. I’m scared about riding in the car. It’s gonna hurt. I want to triple my pain meds and just be knocked out.
Category The Journey | Tags: BRCA,breast cancer,decisions,emotions,family,friends,pain,recovery,Scared | No Comments
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February 4, 2012 by Julie Moon
I’m feeling extra sappy tonight. I am so happy I did this. Even when it hurts. I couldn’t have done this without my village. Thank you everyone. I finally have a pain med that is working. Yesterday was SO HARD. Friday was a much better day. Though mom keeps saying she doesn’t know where we’d put more flowers I am so encouraged. They sit at the foot of my bed and remind me that I’m being thought of. I can’t wait to see my family and friends again. I worry about the Mister. He doesn’t always recognize what he is feeling. We watched Grey’s Anatomy tonight and that made me feel normal. I have eaten some of my yummy snacks. Tomorrow is shower day and I’m nervous about that. Here’s me giving all my friends and family big hugs and kisses.
Category The Journey | Tags: BRCA,breast cancer,charleston,emotions,family,friends,mister,pain,recovery,Surgery | No Comments
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February 2, 2012 by Julie Moon
Wow! This is the most surreal feeling I can imagine right now. I actually did it. The doctors said it went great. I’m sleeping well despite my awesome nurse checking in on me. The hospital is beautiful and my room is large. I do miss my babies and the Mister. I called my big girl around 8:30and had my best friend wake her up. It was good for both of us. I am so grateful my mom is here. I am so grateful I am so healthy that this makes it such an easier procedure. I have gotten sooooo many compliments on my beautiful quilt my friends made me. Life is good. My heart is full.
My surgery took 12 hours. Can you believe that? I am sore. Morphine And Valium to the rescue.
Category The Journey | Tags: big girl,blessings,BRCA,breast cancer,charleston,family,friends,medicine,pain,recovery,Sleep,Surgery | No Comments
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February 1, 2012 by Julie Moon
This is the place I will leave my risk of breast cancer. This is East Cooper Medical Center…a beautiful facility. We have met nothing but nice and helpful people. I was there twice today and it will become my new home through the weekend. I am so grateful that I was able to afford to travel here with my mom. I am so grateful for Dr. Craigie and Dr. Kline and Dr. Baron who will perform my surgeries. It will be mind blowing, life altering and life saving. I am so grateful that I do not have cancer and I get to tackle this as a healthy 34 year old woman. I am so grateful that the BRCA test was conclusive and I was able to confidently move foward with this step. I am so grateful for each and every person who is at home feeding, hugging, nurturing, driving, dressing, bathing, teaching, snuggling, and taking care of my dear sweet children.
I feel the prayers and positive energy of my friends. I am envisioning the candles that will be lit for me tomorrow. I pray for peace for my friends and family while I’m under. My wish is that tomorrow not only changes my own life but that it changes many people’s lives. I hope it inspires a woman to get her mammograms or research her genetics. I hope it encourages a husband to be completely supportive of radical preventative measures his wife may want to take for her health. I hope that it challenges more people to participate in the 3day and other events that support breast cancer research. We need more research. We need to find a cure.
Goodbye to the breasts I know and have loved…the breasts that have nourished my three children and have been loved by my husband. I am looking forward to meeting my new breasts…the ones that will carry me into my old age. I suppose if you want to be technical I have known those breasts all along since they will come from my back side. 🙂
Category The Journey | Tags: 3day,blessings,BRCA,breast cancer,charleston,plastic surgeon,surgeon,travel | No Comments
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January 2, 2012 by Julie Moon
January 2012…it’s go time! It’s the new year and that means the ball has dropped and it’s officially rolling. This week I get the kids back in school and I head out to Tennessee to do a little organizing work. Getting a client all settled into her new home in Nashville. I’m looking forward to some immersion in my work and also testing out the waters of me being gone and others taking care of my three little moons while I’m away. That is definitely the part of this journey that has me the most nervous. Next week is a big week. Monday and probably Wednesday too I have all my preop to get done. I have orders for bloodwork, metabolic profile, urinalysis, chest xray and EKG. I then have an MRI on Friday in Atlanta. I need all the prayers one can muster for all of these tests to come back perfect. I’m a little stressed about all the finances of this beginning. *deep cleansing breath* I think while I’m in Nashville I’m going to ask my friend if we can do a little yoga in the morning each day…hoping that I can add that to my daily routine this year and that it can center me the way it did when I was preparing for childbirth.
I don’t FEEL scared but every time I write about this stuff I start crying. I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is that I’m feeling. I feel a little detached from everything right now….my friendships, my relationship with God, the Mister. It’s funny the person I feel the most connected to right now is the big girl. She’s growing up so much right now and I think I’m really just enjoying her company so much…it’s uncomplicated and just so easy with her these days. I am going to REALLY miss her while I’m gone.
One month…
Category The Journey | Tags: big girl,breast cancer,charleston,expenses,family,fear,friends,God,insurance,mister | No Comments
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December 22, 2011 by Julie Moon
I had a friend stop me at baby girl’s school last week to tell me about her sister who was just diagnosed with breast cancer. She’s got four children, no family history and she’s young…maybe 40. She was nursing her 8 month old and found a lump.
I had another friend stop me at church to tell me that she finally went and had her first mammogram. She’d been putting it off and decided to go and do it after hearing my story.
These are the reminders that help me when I’m up late at night feeling nauseous that in only 42 days I will be changing my life in an intense way. Christmas has been so busy it’s almost hard to even think about it yet. Today I had to call and schedule a couple of things that must be done before surgery and it hit me hard. I know this is right but man is it just MIND BLOWING all at the same time.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,decisions,fear,friends | No Comments
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December 3, 2011 by Julie Moon
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,charleston,decisions,God | No Comments
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November 29, 2011 by Julie Moon
The Mister and I traveled to Charleston, SC this weekend to meet with the plastic and breast surgeons. We left on Saturday and were able to have two days to ourselves…without children to reconnect and just enjoy each other before the appointment day. I am so grateful for my sister watching the kids Saturday and Sunday…a wonderful babysitter helping out on Sunday night and Monday morning and one of my best friends coming over Monday after school to keep the kiddos, clean up the house and get everyone to bed before we got home. What a network of great people I have supporting me on this journey. It was reassuring to see that I could be gone for 3 days and things still function as normal. I have to admit that I am probably more nervous about what is going to happen to my kiddos when I’m gone for 2 weeks than I am about the surgery itself…ah motherhood!
The Mister and I were able to eat at some great restaurants, check out some local shops and the market and visit Folly beach at Sunset. Did I mention we slept? Oh the bliss of no children in the house kind of sleep…no naps interrupted by squeals of disagreement over the wii or by a toddler banging her fist over your head because she is hungry. We slept well and we napped. It was glorious!
I feel peaceful. I feel content. I feel excited. I feel nervous. I feel happy. I feel sad. I feel grateful. I feel blessed. I feel spared. I feel sure. I feel crazy. I feel amazed.
No wonder I can’t sleep yet tonight.
February 1, 2012…a day that will change my life forever.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,charleston,decisions,family,fear,friends,mister,plastic surgeon,surgeon,travel,waiting | No Comments
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November 20, 2011 by Julie Moon
I feel the emotions starting to bubble up. Here’s the rambings of an emotional woman…hold on….
I am working lots right now…both of my jobs. Yes I have two jobs on top of being a mother and being married to a very busy entrepreneur. There is tons to do to get ready for Christmas. I’m trying to calmly and rationally knock things off the present list but I feel it hanging over my head. I worked all day today and I’m working most of the day tomorrow. I got upset tonight about the quality of some of my work and I just broke down. I was so mad at myself. I nearly chunked my camera into a brick wall. Thankfully one of my friends was there to listen to me and calmed me down a bit. I’m still pretty upset and disappointed. I know I will get it all figured out but I know I’m better than the work I’m producing. It’s Thanksgiving and I miss my brother. I’m not scared about next weekend meeting the doctors but I think I”m starting to get really emotional about it…like that deep dark emotion that you don’t really realize is in there but it TOTALLY affects you. My friend is out in San Diego at the 3day this weekend and posting pictures and it’s making me so emotional to see the event again. I can’t explain it to you all who haven’t been…I think there’s a Pavlovian reaction to seeing the 3day…just brings it out of me. I’m not out of control. I’m not angry. I just feel a storm brewing in my heart.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,charleston,family,fear,plastic surgeon,work | No Comments
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November 17, 2011 by Julie Moon
That huge gust of wind you just heard was my mother breathing a sigh of relief. I got the call from Dr. Stallings today that the biopsy results came back with no sign of cancer. Such a relief and so grateful. As my good friend reminded me “Now you can have your surgery on your time.” This is a big deal. I will be leaving next weekend to go to Charleston to meet with my potential surgeons. I am planning so much for next year but I get to do it as a healthy person…cancer free. So grateful that I don’t have to wait until I have cancer to do something about this. Having the opportunity to be proactive is such a blessing.
Category The Journey | Tags: biopsy,breast cancer,charleston,family | No Comments
