Posts Tagged ‘BRCA’

  1. You Will Heal

    March 3, 2012 by Julie Moon

    This photo is from March 1, 2012.  One month exactly after my bilateral mastectomy and SGAP breast reconstruction.  I have a 10 inch scar from each hip down into a V on my buttocks.  Yes…TEN inches EACH.  I have an oval shaped paddle of skin 5 inches wide on each breast that is a different color from the rest of my breast because it’s skin from my back side.  It will be removed in the second stage of surgeries.  I have an open wound on my left breast and a nipple that has not healed yet.  That nipple will require reconstruction to look “normal” again.  I have two very sore wounds on each hip that are still leaky and healing from having drains removed.   But…do you know what I see when I look at that picture?  I see ME! I see a woman who looks like she used to with a smile on her face.  I see myself wearing clothes out of my closet that weren’t purchased specifically for surgery.  I see a woman about to go to dinner with her family and enjoy a night out.  I see a woman who doesn’t look broken.  My body has undergone quite a bit of trauma.  I am regaining mobility but I am still sore and weak.  But my heart is happy that I am moving forward.  I am seeing myself heal.  I am working hard to make that happen and will continue to do so.  Someday I believe I will feel together, whole and beautiful without my clothes on because I will heal.   This picture gives me hope.

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  2. Feeling more human

    March 1, 2012 by Julie Moon

    Monday morning one of my besties volunteered to drive me to Charleston to see the doctor and to get my last two drains pulled.  If you don’t know what drains are, consider yourself blessed.  Having them for a month has been a drag.  I was so excited for this day to come.  We drove straight there…nearly running out of gas because evidently noone thought it was a good idea to put a gas station on I-20 for what felt like 100 miles.  Thankfully we made it to our hotel without having to walk to any gas stations.

    We relaxed for a bit and decided to go out to dinner in downtown Charleston at a great little place  called Blossom.  It’s wonderful to have friends who have lived there because they always give us the best restaurant recommendations.  I love being in Charleston!  We turned in early and watched some crazy tv until it was time to fall asleep.  Isn’t hotel tv the best…you watch things you never would have watched at home.  We watched some TLC show where a child had a parasitic twin removed from his body…wha?

    Tuesday morning we went to my favorite breakfast spot…Hominy Grill.  I have yet to have dinner or lunch there but I have plenty more Charleston trips planned this year.  It was delicious as always. It reminds me of our very own Athens restaurant, Mama’s Boy just with more seafood.   We killed some time shopping at TJMaxx and Homegoods and found a dress that might work for the baby girl to wear as flowergirl in May.

    Finally it was time for a visit and I was so excited.  In the waiting room we met another BRCA 1 family.  A young girl from Atlanta.  It was great to share stories and realize that we were going through much of the same journey.  She had a failed flap in her first surgery….such a small percentage of women have this happen.  So she was there having her second reconstruction.

    At last it was my turn to see Dr. Craigie.  He came in and sat down like an old friend ready to hear how I was doing.  We discussed my recovery and then he got to work.  I had nipple sparing surgery which means we attempted to save the nipple to be part of the reconstruction.  This is difficult because the nipple has the weakest blood supply after mastectomy.  One side has healed beautifully and managed to get a very good blood supply.  The other side has not been so lucky.  We have been using silvadene cream for the past 3 weeks trying to help it heal.  Dr. Craigie cleaned the wound and cut away the dead tissue and now we are working on my protein and letting the skin continue to grow to heal the wound.  Please pray for this to heal.  It is by far the scariest part to me…looking at my body with an open wound.  There still is a chance that there is enough healthy tissue for part of my nipple to survive.  The second stage of surgery we will be able to repair/construct anything that we need to though.  I have full confidence in my surgeon and his ability to make me whole again.  I have seen AMAZING pictures and I believe I will be one of those too.  THEN HE PULLED MY DRAINS!! Woo hoo! It was glorious to be free of those darn tagalongs.  They did a great job but I’m glad to let them go!

    After my wonderful appointment we celebrated with frozen yogurt and then headed on our journey home.  I got to see my baby girl before she went to bed on her birthday! What a wonderful trip!

    Look what my family had on the door waiting for me!

     

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  3. ignorance to empowerment

    February 12, 2012 by Julie Moon

    I have had a very hard day.   I’ve been having adverse reactions to the pain medications that I have been taking.  I feel so overstimulated and prickly and uneasy from the inside out.   Thankfully we have decided to quit taking these meds and try something different tomorrow.  It is an awful feeling…like when you have a limb fall asleep…that prickly feeling as it’s waking up…that’s what I feel all over my body when I take those medications.  So goodbye Percocet and Lortab.  May I never need you again in this lifetime.

    In the middle of the day was a special treat.  My sister paid for a local woman to come over and give mom and I pedicures here at the house.  It was so sweet and relaxing for the most part.  My pain meds caused the end to get a little weird because my senses were overstimulated and I could hardly breathe…everything smelled so chemically strong even though it wasn’t.  I did sleep this afternoon and though that was good I still feel awful and can’t wait for these meds to be GONE from my body.

    I felt as though the whole day was ending on such a sad and sour note.  I was feeling down and very sorry for myself.  It’s in these moments that I feel regret for choosing this path.  I feel sad that I don’t have to be feeling this way but put myself in this situation.  Let’s just put it this way…it’s not a good place.

    And then tonight around 9 pm.  I got a message in my facebook inbox.  The person is my friend but not someone I regularly see or speak to.  We had been more involved in each other’s lives before there were 6 children between us.   Our paths have crossed from time to time but I did not know her story.  Tonight she shared her story with me.  She wrote about her mother’s breast cancer at age 45 and losing her father just a few years before that.  Her mother survived that battle but has now been faced with another area they will biopsy.  She had been talking to her mother about me and her mother decided to get the BRCA testing done.  They are still waiting on results and then will decide on their path after those results are in.   It was an amazing story but the line that really struck my heart was this.

    “Following your story of empowerment has made me choose a path of empowerment over the path of ignorance that I have been on.”

    I will sleep well tonight because my heart is full.  Two women are DOING SOMETHING because I did something and wrote about it.  Her sharing that with me today is helping me to keep on keeping on! It’s the sunrise on this dark day I’ve had today.

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  4. Day 5

    February 5, 2012 by Julie Moon

    Hard day today.  I feel scared to leave the hospital.  I feel like I’m in pieces.  I am sore all over. All I want to do is curl up on my side and sleep but drains keep me from being able to do so. My back aches and I know it won’t just be better tomorrow.

    My friends are coming. I don’t think they will get the response they expect. I don’t want to talk I just want to sleep through the next week. I am sad.  I am so glad they are coming.  I know I can just cry and let it all go…it makes me so sad to think that women have to go through things like this without a huge support of people.  If I feel like this and I have all the best friends in the world then what in the world must they feel like?

    I won’t lie…being cut on both sides of your body is painful.  My breasts feel engorged…like they don’t belong to me but that someone  hung some sandbags on my chest.  They are warm and look great though.  They are connecting to my body.  My back side hurts.  I’m scared about riding in the car.  It’s gonna hurt.  I want to triple my pain meds and just be knocked out.

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  5. Day 3

    February 4, 2012 by Julie Moon

    I’m feeling extra sappy tonight. I am so happy I did this. Even when it hurts. I couldn’t have done this without my village. Thank you everyone. I finally have a pain med that is working. Yesterday was SO HARD. Friday was a much better day. Though mom keeps saying she doesn’t know where we’d put more flowers I am so encouraged. They sit at the foot of my bed and remind me that I’m being thought of. I can’t wait to see my family and friends again. I worry about the Mister. He doesn’t always recognize what he is feeling.  We watched Grey’s Anatomy tonight and that made me feel normal.  I have eaten some of my yummy snacks.  Tomorrow is shower day and I’m nervous about that.  Here’s me giving all my friends and family big hugs and kisses.

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  6. Day 1

    February 2, 2012 by Julie Moon

    Wow! This is the most surreal feeling I can imagine right now. I actually did it. The doctors said it went great. I’m sleeping well despite my awesome nurse checking in on me. The hospital is beautiful and my room is large. I do miss my babies and the Mister.  I called my big girl around 8:30and had my best friend wake her up.  It was good for both of us.  I am so grateful my mom is here.  I am so grateful I am so healthy that this makes it such an easier procedure.  I have gotten sooooo many compliments on my beautiful quilt my friends made me.  Life is good.  My heart is full.

    My surgery took 12 hours. Can you believe that? I am sore. Morphine And Valium to the rescue.

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  7. Mastectomy Eve

    February 1, 2012 by Julie Moon

    This is the place I will leave my risk of breast cancer.  This is East Cooper Medical Center…a beautiful facility.  We have met nothing but nice and helpful people. I was there twice today and it will become my new home through the weekend.  I am so grateful that I was able to afford to travel here with my mom.  I am so grateful for Dr. Craigie and Dr. Kline and Dr. Baron who will perform my surgeries.  It will be mind blowing, life altering and life saving.  I am so grateful that I do not have cancer and I get to tackle this as a healthy 34 year old woman.  I am so grateful that the BRCA test was conclusive and I was able to confidently move foward with this step.  I am so grateful for each and every person who is at home feeding, hugging, nurturing, driving, dressing, bathing, teaching, snuggling, and taking care of my dear sweet children.

    I feel the prayers and positive energy of my friends.  I am envisioning the candles that will be lit for me tomorrow.  I pray for peace for my friends and family while I’m under.  My wish is that tomorrow not only changes my own life but that it changes many people’s lives.  I hope it inspires a woman to get her mammograms or research her genetics.  I hope it encourages a husband to be completely supportive of radical preventative measures his wife may want to take for her health.  I hope that it challenges more people to participate in the 3day and other events that support breast cancer research.  We need more research.  We need to find a cure.

    Goodbye to the breasts I know and have loved…the breasts that have nourished my three children and have been loved by my husband.  I am looking forward to meeting my new breasts…the ones that will carry me into my old age.  I suppose if you want to be technical I have known those breasts all along since they will come from my back side.  🙂

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  8. Friday Biopsy

    November 12, 2011 by Julie Moon

    Friday I went in for my breast biopsy.  I had a 1 mm spot on my ultrasound that Dr. Stallings felt was worthy of investigation.  I went in to have her do a needle biopsy and aspirate the fluid and we will send it off to pathology to see if it is cancerous or not.   I believe she did a core biopsy as well.   I should really ask more questions.  My mom met me at the breast center.  It was a very quick and simple procedure.  They numb the area and then I didn’t feel anything after that.  She said I would bruise quite heavily since it was near the muscle.  So far I show no bruising though I was pretty sore yesterday.  I am pretty sure the waiting is tougher for my mom than for me.  I don’t have any feelings that this is cancer.  I can’t do anything about it until Tuesday or Wednesday when I hear from Dr. Stallings so I am really just fine.  I know my plan of action should anything come back negative and it is the same plan should everything come back normal.

    I am so grateful for the support I feel I am getting from friends and family.  You never really know how your friends will respond to you telling them you’re going to have a mastectomy even though you don’t have cancer. Most of them tell me I’m being brave.  To me it isn’t about being brave but about being smart.  I’m actually pretty scared but I feel like my knowledge overpowers that fear.   It really breaks my heart that there are so many women out there who won’t have the BRCA testing because they are afraid to know.

    I met another BRCA + woman at the breast center yesterday.  She was in for a lump and planning her prophylactic bilateral as well.  She seemed positive, strong and smart.  I gave her my email…I hope she contacts me.   I met another woman there whose mother was going through radiation.  She said she herself was in that office all the time because she always had lots of lumps.  She seemed more nervous, unsure of what was going on and uninformed about what might be going on in her body.  Knowledge is power.  I hope after our conversations she reads up a little more about her situation and becomes empowered.

    I feel strong.  I feel smart.  I don’t feel brave yet but I know I will.  I will BE brave when the time comes to be brave.

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