You Will Heal

This photo is from March 1, 2012.  One month exactly after my bilateral mastectomy and SGAP breast reconstruction.  I have a 10 inch scar from each hip down into a V on my buttocks.  Yes…TEN inches EACH.  I have an oval shaped paddle of skin 5 inches wide on each breast that is a different color from the rest of my breast because it’s skin from my back side.  It will be removed in the second stage of surgeries.  I have an open wound on my left breast and a nipple that has not healed yet.  That nipple will require reconstruction to look “normal” again.  I have two very sore wounds on each hip that are still leaky and healing from having drains removed.   But…do you know what I see when I look at that picture?  I see ME! I see a woman who looks like she used to with a smile on her face.  I see myself wearing clothes out of my closet that weren’t purchased specifically for surgery.  I see a woman about to go to dinner with her family and enjoy a night out.  I see a woman who doesn’t look broken.  My body has undergone quite a bit of trauma.  I am regaining mobility but I am still sore and weak.  But my heart is happy that I am moving forward.  I am seeing myself heal.  I am working hard to make that happen and will continue to do so.  Someday I believe I will feel together, whole and beautiful without my clothes on because I will heal.   This picture gives me hope.