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November 20, 2011 by Julie Moon
I feel the emotions starting to bubble up. Here’s the rambings of an emotional woman…hold on….
I am working lots right now…both of my jobs. Yes I have two jobs on top of being a mother and being married to a very busy entrepreneur. There is tons to do to get ready for Christmas. I’m trying to calmly and rationally knock things off the present list but I feel it hanging over my head. I worked all day today and I’m working most of the day tomorrow. I got upset tonight about the quality of some of my work and I just broke down. I was so mad at myself. I nearly chunked my camera into a brick wall. Thankfully one of my friends was there to listen to me and calmed me down a bit. I’m still pretty upset and disappointed. I know I will get it all figured out but I know I’m better than the work I’m producing. It’s Thanksgiving and I miss my brother. I’m not scared about next weekend meeting the doctors but I think I”m starting to get really emotional about it…like that deep dark emotion that you don’t really realize is in there but it TOTALLY affects you. My friend is out in San Diego at the 3day this weekend and posting pictures and it’s making me so emotional to see the event again. I can’t explain it to you all who haven’t been…I think there’s a Pavlovian reaction to seeing the 3day…just brings it out of me. I’m not out of control. I’m not angry. I just feel a storm brewing in my heart.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,charleston,family,fear,plastic surgeon,work | No Comments
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November 17, 2011 by Julie Moon
That huge gust of wind you just heard was my mother breathing a sigh of relief. I got the call from Dr. Stallings today that the biopsy results came back with no sign of cancer. Such a relief and so grateful. As my good friend reminded me “Now you can have your surgery on your time.” This is a big deal. I will be leaving next weekend to go to Charleston to meet with my potential surgeons. I am planning so much for next year but I get to do it as a healthy person…cancer free. So grateful that I don’t have to wait until I have cancer to do something about this. Having the opportunity to be proactive is such a blessing.
Category The Journey | Tags: biopsy,breast cancer,charleston,family | No Comments
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November 14, 2011 by Julie Moon
I just realized that tomorrow is my birthday and likely the day that I’ll get my biopsy results. I’m voting for no cancer news on your birthday…talk about Debbie Downer.
Category The Journey | Tags: biopsy,breast cancer | No Comments
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November 12, 2011 by Julie Moon
Not THOSE cupcakes! The cupcakes my friends brought me for my birthday party! Tuesday is my birthday but I celebrated with friends this past Thursday. One friend was in town visiting for the week so we decided to party while she was here. Seven of my dear friends took me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant…pasta, salad, wine, champagne and cupcakes for dessert. It was just what my soul needed. I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday this year. I was feeling very melancholy and just blah about doing something. Thankfully my friends didn’t let me cancel my birthday. I laughed so hard and had such a good time reminiscing about how I had met each and every one of them. It was a miracle that everyone invited was able to attend….considering we have 16 children between us. They know me so well and I got some wonderful presents.
Category The Journey | Tags: birthday,friends | No Comments
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November 12, 2011 by Julie Moon
Friday I went in for my breast biopsy. I had a 1 mm spot on my ultrasound that Dr. Stallings felt was worthy of investigation. I went in to have her do a needle biopsy and aspirate the fluid and we will send it off to pathology to see if it is cancerous or not. I believe she did a core biopsy as well. I should really ask more questions. My mom met me at the breast center. It was a very quick and simple procedure. They numb the area and then I didn’t feel anything after that. She said I would bruise quite heavily since it was near the muscle. So far I show no bruising though I was pretty sore yesterday. I am pretty sure the waiting is tougher for my mom than for me. I don’t have any feelings that this is cancer. I can’t do anything about it until Tuesday or Wednesday when I hear from Dr. Stallings so I am really just fine. I know my plan of action should anything come back negative and it is the same plan should everything come back normal.
I am so grateful for the support I feel I am getting from friends and family. You never really know how your friends will respond to you telling them you’re going to have a mastectomy even though you don’t have cancer. Most of them tell me I’m being brave. To me it isn’t about being brave but about being smart. I’m actually pretty scared but I feel like my knowledge overpowers that fear. It really breaks my heart that there are so many women out there who won’t have the BRCA testing because they are afraid to know.
I met another BRCA + woman at the breast center yesterday. She was in for a lump and planning her prophylactic bilateral as well. She seemed positive, strong and smart. I gave her my email…I hope she contacts me. I met another woman there whose mother was going through radiation. She said she herself was in that office all the time because she always had lots of lumps. She seemed more nervous, unsure of what was going on and uninformed about what might be going on in her body. Knowledge is power. I hope after our conversations she reads up a little more about her situation and becomes empowered.
I feel strong. I feel smart. I don’t feel brave yet but I know I will. I will BE brave when the time comes to be brave.
Category The Journey | Tags: biopsy,BRCA,breast cancer,decisions,family,fear,surgeon | No Comments
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November 12, 2011 by Julie Moon
Grateful beyond belief for health insurance but all the little details are so confusing and annoying.
Tuesday I talked to the NOLA insurance people and she said that my insurance is out of network. She said that every single insurance is out of network except for Cigna. That means that my total out of pocket would be $8000 instead of $4000 for the covered procedures. I’m still not entirely clear if everything is covered. I spoke with the Charleston office and they are IN network for my insurance. So I think the path becomes clearer. I am planning a consultation with them on November 28th. The Mister will travel with me and we will meet with both the breast surgeon and the plastic surgeon that day.
Charleston is about a 4.5 hour drive but we will probably go for a couple days before and just get comfortable with the city…see what the hospital looks like, etc. If after visiting Charleston I do not feel 100% great about it I might go to visit New Orleans. I found out on Wednesday that one of my great friends gave birth at the hospital in Charleston…she said it was small but very nice.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,charleston,decisions,insurance,mister,nola,plastic surgeon,surgeon,travel | No Comments
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November 7, 2011 by Julie Moon
I think I’ve decided I’m going to do my surgery in New Orleans. I spent a long night talking with my best friend last night and we just talked our way through most of it. Today I talked to the Mister about it all and I think it’s pretty clear that I’m leaning towards going to New Orleans. I don’t really feel like either place is a bad choice…but I think if expenses are not accounted for I am definitely leaning towards NO. I’m sure I’ll probably change my mind 12 more times before I schedule the surgery…but anyone who knows me knows that THAT is what I do. I should be able to get everything scheduled this week and figure out flight information by the weekend. Mister is traveling with me this time and my mom will travel with me for my surgeries. Mom told me to close my eyes, put my hand over my heart and envision where I was when I had my surgery. I keep trying that…and it’s not totally clear just yet. I believe it will be….eventually.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,decisions,family,mister,plastic surgeon | No Comments
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November 6, 2011 by Julie Moon
Have you ever seen what a mastectomy scar looks like? What a woman looks like with no breast? It’s mind numbing to me. They look so broken and hurting. What a true blessing I have to be able to do this surgery before I have cancer…before I have to have any illness cut out of me. What a blessing I have to be made whole again before something takes my whole-ness away from me.
Amazing images here: The Scar Project
I still can’t believe I’m planning this though.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,fear,scar | No Comments
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November 5, 2011 by Julie Moon
I spoke with someone from the New Orleans clinic today and I really am undecided about which is a better choice for me. What I want to do is to visit both and do a consultation with each one before I need to make a decision. I am hoping we can come up with the funds to be able to fly to New Orleans and to visit Charleston. I think I will feel more peaceful about deciding once I do this. I am also trying to find out if there are any differences in cost.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,decisions,insurance,plastic surgeon | No Comments
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November 5, 2011 by Julie Moon
This also really spoke to me this afternoon when I saw it on etsy.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,decisions,family,fear | 2 Comments
