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November 29, 2011 by Julie Moon
The Mister and I traveled to Charleston, SC this weekend to meet with the plastic and breast surgeons. We left on Saturday and were able to have two days to ourselves…without children to reconnect and just enjoy each other before the appointment day. I am so grateful for my sister watching the kids Saturday and Sunday…a wonderful babysitter helping out on Sunday night and Monday morning and one of my best friends coming over Monday after school to keep the kiddos, clean up the house and get everyone to bed before we got home. What a network of great people I have supporting me on this journey. It was reassuring to see that I could be gone for 3 days and things still function as normal. I have to admit that I am probably more nervous about what is going to happen to my kiddos when I’m gone for 2 weeks than I am about the surgery itself…ah motherhood!
The Mister and I were able to eat at some great restaurants, check out some local shops and the market and visit Folly beach at Sunset. Did I mention we slept? Oh the bliss of no children in the house kind of sleep…no naps interrupted by squeals of disagreement over the wii or by a toddler banging her fist over your head because she is hungry. We slept well and we napped. It was glorious!
I feel peaceful. I feel content. I feel excited. I feel nervous. I feel happy. I feel sad. I feel grateful. I feel blessed. I feel spared. I feel sure. I feel crazy. I feel amazed.
No wonder I can’t sleep yet tonight.
February 1, 2012…a day that will change my life forever.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,charleston,decisions,family,fear,friends,mister,plastic surgeon,surgeon,travel,waiting | No Comments
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November 20, 2011 by Julie Moon
I feel the emotions starting to bubble up. Here’s the rambings of an emotional woman…hold on….
I am working lots right now…both of my jobs. Yes I have two jobs on top of being a mother and being married to a very busy entrepreneur. There is tons to do to get ready for Christmas. I’m trying to calmly and rationally knock things off the present list but I feel it hanging over my head. I worked all day today and I’m working most of the day tomorrow. I got upset tonight about the quality of some of my work and I just broke down. I was so mad at myself. I nearly chunked my camera into a brick wall. Thankfully one of my friends was there to listen to me and calmed me down a bit. I’m still pretty upset and disappointed. I know I will get it all figured out but I know I’m better than the work I’m producing. It’s Thanksgiving and I miss my brother. I’m not scared about next weekend meeting the doctors but I think I”m starting to get really emotional about it…like that deep dark emotion that you don’t really realize is in there but it TOTALLY affects you. My friend is out in San Diego at the 3day this weekend and posting pictures and it’s making me so emotional to see the event again. I can’t explain it to you all who haven’t been…I think there’s a Pavlovian reaction to seeing the 3day…just brings it out of me. I’m not out of control. I’m not angry. I just feel a storm brewing in my heart.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,charleston,family,fear,plastic surgeon,work | No Comments
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November 12, 2011 by Julie Moon
Friday I went in for my breast biopsy. I had a 1 mm spot on my ultrasound that Dr. Stallings felt was worthy of investigation. I went in to have her do a needle biopsy and aspirate the fluid and we will send it off to pathology to see if it is cancerous or not. I believe she did a core biopsy as well. I should really ask more questions. My mom met me at the breast center. It was a very quick and simple procedure. They numb the area and then I didn’t feel anything after that. She said I would bruise quite heavily since it was near the muscle. So far I show no bruising though I was pretty sore yesterday. I am pretty sure the waiting is tougher for my mom than for me. I don’t have any feelings that this is cancer. I can’t do anything about it until Tuesday or Wednesday when I hear from Dr. Stallings so I am really just fine. I know my plan of action should anything come back negative and it is the same plan should everything come back normal.
I am so grateful for the support I feel I am getting from friends and family. You never really know how your friends will respond to you telling them you’re going to have a mastectomy even though you don’t have cancer. Most of them tell me I’m being brave. To me it isn’t about being brave but about being smart. I’m actually pretty scared but I feel like my knowledge overpowers that fear. It really breaks my heart that there are so many women out there who won’t have the BRCA testing because they are afraid to know.
I met another BRCA + woman at the breast center yesterday. She was in for a lump and planning her prophylactic bilateral as well. She seemed positive, strong and smart. I gave her my email…I hope she contacts me. I met another woman there whose mother was going through radiation. She said she herself was in that office all the time because she always had lots of lumps. She seemed more nervous, unsure of what was going on and uninformed about what might be going on in her body. Knowledge is power. I hope after our conversations she reads up a little more about her situation and becomes empowered.
I feel strong. I feel smart. I don’t feel brave yet but I know I will. I will BE brave when the time comes to be brave.
Category The Journey | Tags: biopsy,BRCA,breast cancer,decisions,family,fear,surgeon | No Comments
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November 6, 2011 by Julie Moon
Have you ever seen what a mastectomy scar looks like? What a woman looks like with no breast? It’s mind numbing to me. They look so broken and hurting. What a true blessing I have to be able to do this surgery before I have cancer…before I have to have any illness cut out of me. What a blessing I have to be made whole again before something takes my whole-ness away from me.
Amazing images here: The Scar Project
I still can’t believe I’m planning this though.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,fear,scar | No Comments
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November 5, 2011 by Julie Moon
This also really spoke to me this afternoon when I saw it on etsy.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,decisions,family,fear | 2 Comments
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November 5, 2011 by Julie Moon
If my mama has taught me anything in life…she has taught me this:
etsy art
Category The Journey | Tags: decisions,family,fear | No Comments
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November 2, 2011 by Julie Moon
Yesterday was my first of many doctor visits. The office was huge and there were so many people there. They told me to plan for a 3 hour appointment. My cell phone was charged and ready to keep up with my emails and facebook and chatting with friends. My mom came with me. Sitting in the waiting room was strange…well several waiting rooms really of women all dressed in robes. We all looked the same. It was like everyone was tagged in that one room. If you wore the robe then you were obviously the one with an issue. The non robed women were just there as support people. The office just deals with people with issues…if you find a lump, need an MRI, have breast cancer or like me…are a genetic mutant. So, noone was there for their happy little annual mammogram (ha…as if any mammogram is happy).
I had a mammogram. It was not a big deal. It’s uncomfortable but not painful. I then moved to the next waiting area where I was called back for an ultrasound. Ultrasound can find even more than a mammogram and is good for dense breast tissue. Then I moved to the last waiting area…waiting to talk to my doctor. My mom was with me the whole time…chatting it up with ladies all around me. It was good to have her there but I enjoyed the time alone on my own as well. I like to be alone in these type situations. It feels easier to actually deal with and cope with the problem.
My doctor showed us the ultrasound results and she showed me that I have two areas with cysts. She recommends that I have them biopsied in office soon. I schedule an appointment for November 11th to have that done. It’s a pain to deal with insurance and paying so much at the end of the year but the mister and I agreed that it’s worth it and we would really be mad if we didn’t do something and it ended up being cancer and we didn’t have the 2 month jump on dealing with it. We’ll come up with a way to pay for it or come up with a payment plan.
How do I feel about them finding cysts in my breasts? It is what it is. I don’t feel worried. Should I be worried? I don’t know. I don’t usually worry about things like this. I worry about things I think I have control over and this I just don’t really feel like I have any control over. Maybe that’s why it feels simple.
I wanted to cry tonight. It feels good to cry sometimes. It just didn’t come easy tonight.
I have three plastic surgeons to meet with. I want to speak with each of them and find out what kind of reconstruction they recommend for me.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,decisions,family,fear,insurance,mister,surgeon | No Comments
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November 2, 2011 by Julie Moon
Here I sit in the examination room…waiting. I feel my heart pounding and every now and then my hands start shaking. I take a deep breath and calm my breathing. In and out…yoga breathing…listening to the exhale. One moment at a time. I always learned that with labor I just needed to work through one contraction at a time. Deeply focused on this one moment I will not let my mind race forward to the many other “contractions” that I have to face on this journey. This is not easy. I can’t wait to have a good cry on the way home.
Category The Journey | Tags: breast cancer,decisions,fear,surgeon,waiting | No Comments
