-
February 8, 2012 by Julie Moon
My Recovery Home
Day 7…finishing up the first week of this new life. What a journey it has been already. Last night was a very hard night. Neither I or my mom slept very well at all. We both had some crazy dreams and I was hot and uncomfortable most of the night. My body feels so tight and swollen and I’m just so ready to be done with these drains.
I saw Dr. Craigie, the plastic surgeon, first today. He greeted my mom and I with hugs and a smile. He prescribed silvadene for my nipple that I may lose. If I do lose it he will be able to recreate something that looks similar…we knew this was one of the risks. That side was the side that got the radioactive dye for the sentinel node biopsy so I think it was harder to see during surgery and not damage. He also shorted my drain tubes for me so that I don’t have as long of tubes that can potentially get pulled on something. I will go back Friday to see the PA and she will remove my two breast drains. That will be great! We will head home to Athens after those are pulled on Friday.
After we left Dr. Craigie we filled our prescription and then drove over to see Dr. Baron, the breast surgeon. I had taken my pain meds as well as a zofran before I left Dr. Craigie’s office and the two of those combined really get me loopy. I feel like I’m floating all over the room and feel like I lose feeling in my legs. It was relaxing but definitely a strange feeling. He is so warm and compassionate and greeted my mom and I with hugs as well. I feel so taken care of by this team of doctors. He examined me and seemed a bit disappointed with the left nipple’s healing as well. I know he was hoping that they both would survive and look as they always have. He did feel great about everything else so far.
I am happy with my recovery so far. It’s not pretty for sure…but I know that’s all part of the journey.
We grabbed a late lunch and headed back to our recovery home. It’s so peaceful and quiet here. I need to gear myself up for heading back to my house which is full of loud children. I love them but it will be a big change for sure. I was out from 10-4 today and I’m very sore and tired now. I hope I sleep well tonight and really am able to relax and rest.
Category The Journey | Tags: charleston,family,fear,plans,plastic surgeon,recovery,scar,Sleep,surgeon,travel | No Comments
-
February 6, 2012 by Julie Moon
Yesterday I was discharged from the hospital. I was crying all morning because I was so scared to be away from all the “experts”. Noone checking my flaps hourly, monitoring my blood pressure, temp and having whatever drug I needed right on hand. My mom is an awesome caregiver but there was a certain comfort about being at the hospital.
But the best thing happened yesterday. Three of my best friends drove 5 hours just to come and visit with me for a while. They lifted my spirits when they were rock bottom. They helped my mom and I get moved over to our temporary Charleston house…a beautiful home on the marsh. Our friends have generously offered to let us stay here while I’m recovering and can’t leave Charleston. It was so great to have a distraction and have friends here to make me laugh and give my mom a little respite from having to do everything for me. Mrs. B, whose house we are at, cooked us a delicious dinner last night. She’s been such a wonderful hostess and made us feel so welcome. Mr. B and all the girls sat on the sofa and watched golf…I think it was the first time he had ever paid that much attention to what the golfers were wearing. Ha!
Last night, at bedtime, mom and I went into my bedroom and emptied my drains, changed my bra and put on fresh pajamas. I just cried and cried. I felt so broken and so disfunctional. My breasts are certainly bigger than what I wanted them to be and that made me feel disappointed. I have four drains coming out of my body which just makes you feel gross and weird. Around my breasts are so very bruised and sore. One of my nipples is probably going to blister and scab over…hopefully it will fully survive. But for now it’s all gross and blue from the radioactive dye I had injected to do the sentinel lymph node biopsy. My backside is crazy looking. You can still see all the sharpie on my skin from getting marked before surgery and then I have two long incision scars….LONG. And I had a little over a pound of fat removed from each upper gluteal area…so for now there is a bit of a divot. This is why there is a second and third stage to the surgery. It’s definitely not over and this is in no way the “finished” product. But no matter how many times you tell yourself that…you still feel mournful.
I tried to skype with my children last night and they were screaming and being loud and it was all too overwhelming for me. I had to close down the chat pretty quickly. Hopefully I can have a moment with the Mister soon to video chat just he and I. I miss him and just want to snuggle into his neck and have him stroke my hair. It’s good for me to be away from the kids because I think they would be more than I could handle this week. But my heart longs for him.
I think I’m going to have my mom take some progress pictures starting today. I think that will help me feel like I’m healing even when I don’t feel like it.
Oh….one more thing! Yesterday Dr. Craigie told me my pathology came back all clear…no cancer anywhere!
Category The Journey | Tags: blessings,breast cancer,charleston,family,fear,friends,mister,plastic surgeon | No Comments
-
February 5, 2012 by Julie Moon
Hard day today. I feel scared to leave the hospital. I feel like I’m in pieces. I am sore all over. All I want to do is curl up on my side and sleep but drains keep me from being able to do so. My back aches and I know it won’t just be better tomorrow.
My friends are coming. I don’t think they will get the response they expect. I don’t want to talk I just want to sleep through the next week. I am sad. I am so glad they are coming. I know I can just cry and let it all go…it makes me so sad to think that women have to go through things like this without a huge support of people. If I feel like this and I have all the best friends in the world then what in the world must they feel like?
I won’t lie…being cut on both sides of your body is painful. My breasts feel engorged…like they don’t belong to me but that someone hung some sandbags on my chest. They are warm and look great though. They are connecting to my body. My back side hurts. I’m scared about riding in the car. It’s gonna hurt. I want to triple my pain meds and just be knocked out.
Category The Journey | Tags: BRCA,breast cancer,decisions,emotions,family,friends,pain,recovery,Scared | No Comments
-
February 4, 2012 by Julie Moon
I’m feeling extra sappy tonight. I am so happy I did this. Even when it hurts. I couldn’t have done this without my village. Thank you everyone. I finally have a pain med that is working. Yesterday was SO HARD. Friday was a much better day. Though mom keeps saying she doesn’t know where we’d put more flowers I am so encouraged. They sit at the foot of my bed and remind me that I’m being thought of. I can’t wait to see my family and friends again. I worry about the Mister. He doesn’t always recognize what he is feeling. We watched Grey’s Anatomy tonight and that made me feel normal. I have eaten some of my yummy snacks. Tomorrow is shower day and I’m nervous about that. Here’s me giving all my friends and family big hugs and kisses.
Category The Journey | Tags: BRCA,breast cancer,charleston,emotions,family,friends,mister,pain,recovery,Surgery | No Comments
-
February 2, 2012 by Julie Moon
Wow! This is the most surreal feeling I can imagine right now. I actually did it. The doctors said it went great. I’m sleeping well despite my awesome nurse checking in on me. The hospital is beautiful and my room is large. I do miss my babies and the Mister. I called my big girl around 8:30and had my best friend wake her up. It was good for both of us. I am so grateful my mom is here. I am so grateful I am so healthy that this makes it such an easier procedure. I have gotten sooooo many compliments on my beautiful quilt my friends made me. Life is good. My heart is full.
My surgery took 12 hours. Can you believe that? I am sore. Morphine And Valium to the rescue.
Category The Journey | Tags: big girl,blessings,BRCA,breast cancer,charleston,family,friends,medicine,pain,recovery,Sleep,Surgery | No Comments
-
February 1, 2012 by Julie Moon
This is the place I will leave my risk of breast cancer. This is East Cooper Medical Center…a beautiful facility. We have met nothing but nice and helpful people. I was there twice today and it will become my new home through the weekend. I am so grateful that I was able to afford to travel here with my mom. I am so grateful for Dr. Craigie and Dr. Kline and Dr. Baron who will perform my surgeries. It will be mind blowing, life altering and life saving. I am so grateful that I do not have cancer and I get to tackle this as a healthy 34 year old woman. I am so grateful that the BRCA test was conclusive and I was able to confidently move foward with this step. I am so grateful for each and every person who is at home feeding, hugging, nurturing, driving, dressing, bathing, teaching, snuggling, and taking care of my dear sweet children.
I feel the prayers and positive energy of my friends. I am envisioning the candles that will be lit for me tomorrow. I pray for peace for my friends and family while I’m under. My wish is that tomorrow not only changes my own life but that it changes many people’s lives. I hope it inspires a woman to get her mammograms or research her genetics. I hope it encourages a husband to be completely supportive of radical preventative measures his wife may want to take for her health. I hope that it challenges more people to participate in the 3day and other events that support breast cancer research. We need more research. We need to find a cure.
Goodbye to the breasts I know and have loved…the breasts that have nourished my three children and have been loved by my husband. I am looking forward to meeting my new breasts…the ones that will carry me into my old age. I suppose if you want to be technical I have known those breasts all along since they will come from my back side. 🙂
Category The Journey | Tags: 3day,blessings,BRCA,breast cancer,charleston,plastic surgeon,surgeon,travel | No Comments
-
January 31, 2012 by Julie Moon
It was a beautiful day driving here to Charleston today. Sun shining down on us and clear skies…easy sailing. Baby girl has been sick for several days and today she was really happy and perky and feeling so much better. That was exactly what my soul needed. I was so worried about her. My mom and I went out to dinner tonight and these were my two fortunes. I thought they were pretty awesome. I think the hardest part about this whole experience is that it is a bit of a surprise…I don’t know exactly what to expect on Wednesday. I don’t know what it feels like to be in a hospital not giving birth. I haven’t ever been intubated. I haven’t ever had surgery (minus removing a couple wisdom teeth..hah). I certainly haven’t ever spent 5 days in a hospital. I’m definitely unsure of how my body will react to all the drugs. How quickly will I recover? Will it hurt lots? some? beyond belief? less than I could imagine? I don’t feel anxious but I feel calm, serene…I am peaceful but quiet.
I did get a call from the breast surgeon’s office today and they decided that based on my MRI from last week that they would like to do a sentinel lymph node biopsy on my left side during surgery on Wednesday. Just another little bump in the road but another thing that will give us more information and help me have a healthier future.
Category The Journey | Tags: baby girl,biopsy,charleston,plans,travel | No Comments
-
January 30, 2012 by Julie Moon
I cannot begin to express the support I have received this week in preparation for my trip. Last night we had an amazing circle of friends that showered me with love, encouragment, prayers and gifts. First of all if you are a mother you know how hard it is to get out of your house in the evening. The fact that so many of my friends were able to be there was just awesome! Not to mention one of my beloved friends suprised me by driving in all the way from Nashville, TN. I was truly suprised and I do love a good surprise. We had all my favorite foods and drinks and the room was so full of love and cheer. We circled up and friends prayed for me, my healing, my family, my emotions and everything in between. My friends suprised me with an envelope of cash to help while we are out of town and my mom and I are feeding ourselves on the road….or whatever else we need it for! They gave me seven wrapped gifts for me to leave for my children…three small gifts in each bag so that my children have something fun to look forward to while I am gone and they know that I love them and I’m still thinking about them. 8, 6 and 3 still is very young to remember that your mom is coming home soon and time just still can slip into that “forever” feeling for them. Many of my friends sent one very talented friend pieces of fabric and she created the most amazingly beautiful quilt for me. I will literally be wrapped in their love while I am healing. It was an amazing night as sisters!
Another friend has created an intricate meal plan for my family while I am gone. That was one thing I really felt worried about and she has done an A+ job managing it. My family will be well fed and taken care of while I am away. That same friend and a few others put together a HUGE basket of snacks for my mom and I while we are gone. Such a blessing!!
And of course my best friend and my sister are prepared to fully take over and fill in for me…ready to step in at a moment’s notice to take care of everything else at my house.
THIS is the village you want to live in. THIS is the village I live in and I am Grateful. Moved. Inspired. Strong. Humbled. Blessed.
Category The Journey | Tags: blessings,charleston,family,food,friends,quilt | No Comments
-
January 25, 2012 by Julie Moon
I am keeping myself really occupied making plans. I have a full weekend planned and then it all settles in. I wonder when I’ll get the nerve to pack my bag. I think I’m ready. All my labs came back today and I have the all clear. I still have to find myself a pair of slippers…ha!
Category The Journey | Tags: charleston,plans,travel,waiting | No Comments
-
January 24, 2012 by Julie Moon
Lying in my bed
So many plans in my head
Hurry up sleep and take over
I need tomorrow to come quickly
Category The Journey | Tags: planning,Sleep | No Comments
