Ooph….

Sometimes I like to ignore the fact that I have a BRCA 1 mutation.  The truth is that I actually forget.  I sometimes even forget that I have had 4 operations to rid my body of any risk of breast cancer.  I never forget when I’m undressed but fully clothed…I forget.  I have felt brave, smart and proactive while dealing with my mastectomy and reconstruction.  Now I must deal with the other risk factor that BRCA 1 carries.  I must face the fact that I have a super high risk of ovarian cancer.  And not only that I have a risk but there really isn’t any great system for monitoring ovarian cancer at this time.   Most ovarian cancer is caught late and the risk is just too great for me.  How incredibly sad would it be for me to do all the work I have to rid myself of breast cancer but be too scared to get my oopherectomy and then die from that.  I could never forgive myself.  So…April 1st…I have an appointment with my fabulous GYN to discuss my options.  I have researched hormone replacement and yet I still feel a bit confused.  I’m 36 and still have some time until menopause.  I’m scared of my body getting out of control.  I’m scared of gaining weight.  I’m scared of my eyesight getting worse.  I’m scared of my libido drying up.  I’m scared of feeling old and looking old.  Thankfully I’ve gotten over the fear of what it will cost because it always costs lots and I just pay it off as I can.  I do not fear recovery because heaven knows I’ve recovered from worse and I have an amazing village on my side.   Time to step up and get this done!