A Little Less Satisfaction

I have some of the same feelings about my breast reconstruction that I have about my wedding.  Let me explain.

I got married 13 years ago.  This was before people had cell phones, digital cameras and blogs.  We barely had the internet back then.  Weddings didn’t seem nearly as creative as they are now.  If you hadn’t seen it before and you weren’t one of those super creative types you had a typical wedding.  Which is awesome…but let’s face it, not quite as cool as some of the weddings happening today.  It’s easy to get caught up in Pinterest and see beautiful weddings with creative ideas and wish you had “done that” for your wedding.  I get a feeling of dissatisfaction about my wedding…I don’t like it. I usually promptly close Pinterest  and the feelings go away.

I have been having those same feelings about my reconstruction.  Technology and medicine never stops.  It is inevitable that breast reconstruction is only going to get better and better.  The choices available are going to blow my mind.  I know my mom has some of these feelings about her own reconstruction.  She had her surgery four years before my own and it has amazed us what was available to me that wasn’t quite as well known and/or available to her.  But I have to quiet that voice in my head that wonders if I should have chosen a different type of reconstruction.  I am happy with my reconstruction but I do have things that are still not quite right.  I know I have another surgery in November but I wonder if I will still have some of these feelings after that surgery too.  I want to help others but I think that there might come a point where I just have to quit looking things up and researching and being involved with the previvor forums for fear that my involvement will keep me from being satisfied with where I am.  I will never stop being an advocate for breast health, breast cancer research and breast reconstruction.  I do have two daughters…they may very well have the BRCA gene mutation.  My efforts to find a cure are for them as much as they are for me.