I’m nervous…because let’s face it…going under anesthesia is just kind of scary. Also people cutting on your body is kind of scary if you let yourself think about it too much. I always picture what I look like on the operating table. I kind of wish I had pictures…ones that I could just glance at for a quick second and then close and not look at for a long time. I’d just like to have a little sneak peek from time to time. I always wonder too if I said any funny things as I was rolling back into the operating room while under my versed trance.
I’m excited…because I’m getting fixed up. I will hopefully come out of this surgery finished with my reconstruction. It’s kind of hard to wrap my brain around that one because it’s taken so very long to get here. I love that I’m finishing up just a little over a year after I really made my decision to get things rolling. I’m excited to not have a skin flap on my left breast that doesn’t belong. I’m excited that I will hopefully have what looks like a nipple again on the left side. I’m excited that they are going to fill the two deep holes on my hips with my squishy booty fat. I’m excited that they are going to try to fill in my right breast so that it matches my left. It can only get better, right?
I’m amazed…because it’s taken a year to try to recreate my body back to the beautiful form that God created. God is amazing and trying to replicate his work is no easy task. I’m also pretty amazed that my surgeons have been able to do what they have done. I’m so grateful for their skilled hands, their tireless feet and backs (heck of a long surgery I had), their compassionate hearts and their big brains to be able to learn how to do what they do.
I’m grateful…because I have been given so much. I’m grateful for science and the study of the human DNA. I’m grateful that they discovered the BRCA genes and noticed the mutations and what risks that would cause. I’m grateful that I have the opportunity to eliminate my risk my having a surgery. I’m grateful for the health insurance that pays for the surgeries (well most of the surgeries). I’m grateful for my husband who works so hard for us to have that health insurance, to pay off the parts that the insurance doesn’t cover and to take care of all the things that I can’t when I’m recovering. I’m also grateful that he loves me no matter how many inches of scars I have covering my body now. I feel beautiful to that man no matter what. I’m grateful for my mother’s service to me each time I’ve had a surgery. The number of hours she has cared for me are great! I’m grateful for all my friends and family who have supported me, trusted my instincts, believed in the process and been advocates for me. I’m grateful for my future!
T minus 3 weeks….time to get my packing list ready.