February 14, 2012 by Julie Moon
Tomorrow marks 2 weeks since surgery. The incisions on my back side are healing nicely. I do still have my two hip drains that I will keep for 2 more weeks. They are a pain and they keep me from feeling like a normal person. I can’t wear normal clothes because they are bulky and have to have room for them. I will be sooo grateful when I am able to get rid of them.
The right breast is healing well. It looks so normal and the nipple looks untouched. The left breast is a bit gross right now. Because I had to have the sentinel node biopsy on that breast it complicated the surgery a bit. It has a huge scab over the nipple that we are keeping covered with Silvadene (Silver Sulfadiazine) to help it heal. Eventually the scab will come off and hopefully the nipple will have survived. I have no idea how long this will take. I am grateful my mom is here because honestly I can’t even look at that nipple right now. It makes me a bit nauseous.
I have to wear a bra 24-7 (minus showering) and though it’s stretchy and “soft” it’s getting to be very uncomfortable. I have to wear it for another two weeks as well.
My breasts today feel stiff and tight. Different than they have felt so far. It is so weird to have them and not be able to feel them. It feels as if I have something strapped to my chest. I am adjusting. I am sleeping better. Did I mention I can’t wait until these drains are gone. Seriously hate that part.
Category The Journey | Tags: biopsy,medicine,nipple,pain,recovery | No Comments
February 12, 2012 by Julie Moon
I have had a very hard day. I’ve been having adverse reactions to the pain medications that I have been taking. I feel so overstimulated and prickly and uneasy from the inside out. Thankfully we have decided to quit taking these meds and try something different tomorrow. It is an awful feeling…like when you have a limb fall asleep…that prickly feeling as it’s waking up…that’s what I feel all over my body when I take those medications. So goodbye Percocet and Lortab. May I never need you again in this lifetime.
In the middle of the day was a special treat. My sister paid for a local woman to come over and give mom and I pedicures here at the house. It was so sweet and relaxing for the most part. My pain meds caused the end to get a little weird because my senses were overstimulated and I could hardly breathe…everything smelled so chemically strong even though it wasn’t. I did sleep this afternoon and though that was good I still feel awful and can’t wait for these meds to be GONE from my body.
I felt as though the whole day was ending on such a sad and sour note. I was feeling down and very sorry for myself. It’s in these moments that I feel regret for choosing this path. I feel sad that I don’t have to be feeling this way but put myself in this situation. Let’s just put it this way…it’s not a good place.
And then tonight around 9 pm. I got a message in my facebook inbox. The person is my friend but not someone I regularly see or speak to. We had been more involved in each other’s lives before there were 6 children between us. Our paths have crossed from time to time but I did not know her story. Tonight she shared her story with me. She wrote about her mother’s breast cancer at age 45 and losing her father just a few years before that. Her mother survived that battle but has now been faced with another area they will biopsy. She had been talking to her mother about me and her mother decided to get the BRCA testing done. They are still waiting on results and then will decide on their path after those results are in. It was an amazing story but the line that really struck my heart was this.
“Following your story of empowerment has made me choose a path of empowerment over the path of ignorance that I have been on.”
I will sleep well tonight because my heart is full. Two women are DOING SOMETHING because I did something and wrote about it. Her sharing that with me today is helping me to keep on keeping on! It’s the sunrise on this dark day I’ve had today.
Category The Journey | Tags: biopsy,blessings,BRCA,breast cancer,decisions,family,fear,friends,medicine,pain,Sleep | No Comments
February 8, 2012 by Julie Moon
I remember my mom talking about strange feelings in her breasts after surgery. It feels like I have an itch or it feels like a tiny sharp pain from time to time. I can’t itch it though. I have no feeling in my breasts. She said it was the nerves starting to reconnect. I’ll have to research that more. It’s a very strange feeling. The only thing I can compare it to is like when you have your mouth numbed for a filling and you can’t feel your jaw/cheek…that’s what my breasts feel like all day. It is WEIRD!
I also have lots of brusing so that I can feel and it hurts and oddly enough pain medicine doesn’t really do anything for the bruising pain. I had an oversized rib (dr said it was cartilage) that was located on my ribs on my chest and the plastic surgeon had to shave that away before he could do any reattaching of vessels and arteries. It is no longer there….that is weird. I am pretty bruised in that area as well.
The other thing that hurts lots tonight is under my left arm where they removed the two sentinel lymph nodes. It is so very sore.
I’m sure these won’t be the last thing that is weird!
Category The Journey | Tags: biopsy,fear,nerves,numb,pain | No Comments
February 5, 2012 by Julie Moon
Hard day today. I feel scared to leave the hospital. I feel like I’m in pieces. I am sore all over. All I want to do is curl up on my side and sleep but drains keep me from being able to do so. My back aches and I know it won’t just be better tomorrow.
My friends are coming. I don’t think they will get the response they expect. I don’t want to talk I just want to sleep through the next week. I am sad. I am so glad they are coming. I know I can just cry and let it all go…it makes me so sad to think that women have to go through things like this without a huge support of people. If I feel like this and I have all the best friends in the world then what in the world must they feel like?
I won’t lie…being cut on both sides of your body is painful. My breasts feel engorged…like they don’t belong to me but that someone hung some sandbags on my chest. They are warm and look great though. They are connecting to my body. My back side hurts. I’m scared about riding in the car. It’s gonna hurt. I want to triple my pain meds and just be knocked out.
Category The Journey | Tags: BRCA,breast cancer,decisions,emotions,family,friends,pain,recovery,Scared | No Comments
February 4, 2012 by Julie Moon
I’m feeling extra sappy tonight. I am so happy I did this. Even when it hurts. I couldn’t have done this without my village. Thank you everyone. I finally have a pain med that is working. Yesterday was SO HARD. Friday was a much better day. Though mom keeps saying she doesn’t know where we’d put more flowers I am so encouraged. They sit at the foot of my bed and remind me that I’m being thought of. I can’t wait to see my family and friends again. I worry about the Mister. He doesn’t always recognize what he is feeling. We watched Grey’s Anatomy tonight and that made me feel normal. I have eaten some of my yummy snacks. Tomorrow is shower day and I’m nervous about that. Here’s me giving all my friends and family big hugs and kisses.
Category The Journey | Tags: BRCA,breast cancer,charleston,emotions,family,friends,mister,pain,recovery,Surgery | No Comments
February 2, 2012 by Julie Moon
Wow! This is the most surreal feeling I can imagine right now. I actually did it. The doctors said it went great. I’m sleeping well despite my awesome nurse checking in on me. The hospital is beautiful and my room is large. I do miss my babies and the Mister. I called my big girl around 8:30and had my best friend wake her up. It was good for both of us. I am so grateful my mom is here. I am so grateful I am so healthy that this makes it such an easier procedure. I have gotten sooooo many compliments on my beautiful quilt my friends made me. Life is good. My heart is full.
My surgery took 12 hours. Can you believe that? I am sore. Morphine And Valium to the rescue.
Category The Journey | Tags: big girl,blessings,BRCA,breast cancer,charleston,family,friends,medicine,pain,recovery,Sleep,Surgery | No Comments