So Alone

October 25, 2012 by Julie Moon

Sometimes I feel so alone in this journey.  I “know” lots of women online who are BRCA + and of course I have my mother.  But just like anything in life…it means so much to have a friend going through the same things as you.  I mean I pray all the time that none of my friends will ever have this mutation.  I desperately pray that none of my friends will get breast cancer.  But it’s hard to not have a friend who really understands what it’s like to be dealing with losing your breasts and ovaries at 34…or even the decisions to choose to lose them.  I do have one friend who has tested positive but she’s not quite there…not quite ready to deal with it all.  I totally respect that.

Please don’t judge me for what I’m about to say and most of you won’t have any clue what I mean but I need to get it out there.  It’s hard to not be a survivor.  At the 3 day this past weekend the survivors are brought in at the end.  They are honored for their courage and their victories.  They ARE brave and they HAVE had great victories…I don’t deny that one bit.  I have never once been afraid for my life.  I have never had to tell my children I have cancer.  I have never had to suffer through chemotherapy or radiation.   But I stood in the corner, in the back…feeling a sisterhood to the women in pink but still so alone.


1 Comment »

  1. Andrea says:

    Well said. I feel the same way…particularly today. I also feel like being a Previvor can be such an incredible and empowering experience…because we got the chance to save our own futures. I also think most people don’t understand.

    I’m thinking of you today – and wanted to know how things are going leading up to the exchange surgery.

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