ignorance to empowerment

February 12, 2012 by Julie Moon

I have had a very hard day.   I’ve been having adverse reactions to the pain medications that I have been taking.  I feel so overstimulated and prickly and uneasy from the inside out.   Thankfully we have decided to quit taking these meds and try something different tomorrow.  It is an awful feeling…like when you have a limb fall asleep…that prickly feeling as it’s waking up…that’s what I feel all over my body when I take those medications.  So goodbye Percocet and Lortab.  May I never need you again in this lifetime.

In the middle of the day was a special treat.  My sister paid for a local woman to come over and give mom and I pedicures here at the house.  It was so sweet and relaxing for the most part.  My pain meds caused the end to get a little weird because my senses were overstimulated and I could hardly breathe…everything smelled so chemically strong even though it wasn’t.  I did sleep this afternoon and though that was good I still feel awful and can’t wait for these meds to be GONE from my body.

I felt as though the whole day was ending on such a sad and sour note.  I was feeling down and very sorry for myself.  It’s in these moments that I feel regret for choosing this path.  I feel sad that I don’t have to be feeling this way but put myself in this situation.  Let’s just put it this way…it’s not a good place.

And then tonight around 9 pm.  I got a message in my facebook inbox.  The person is my friend but not someone I regularly see or speak to.  We had been more involved in each other’s lives before there were 6 children between us.   Our paths have crossed from time to time but I did not know her story.  Tonight she shared her story with me.  She wrote about her mother’s breast cancer at age 45 and losing her father just a few years before that.  Her mother survived that battle but has now been faced with another area they will biopsy.  She had been talking to her mother about me and her mother decided to get the BRCA testing done.  They are still waiting on results and then will decide on their path after those results are in.   It was an amazing story but the line that really struck my heart was this.

“Following your story of empowerment has made me choose a path of empowerment over the path of ignorance that I have been on.”

I will sleep well tonight because my heart is full.  Two women are DOING SOMETHING because I did something and wrote about it.  Her sharing that with me today is helping me to keep on keeping on! It’s the sunrise on this dark day I’ve had today.


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