Squeeze Me

November 2, 2011 by Julie Moon

Yesterday was my first of many doctor visits.   The office was huge and there were so many people there.  They told me to plan for a 3 hour appointment.  My cell phone was charged and ready to keep up with my emails and facebook and chatting with friends.  My mom came with me.  Sitting in the waiting room was strange…well several waiting rooms really of women all dressed in robes.  We all looked the same.  It was like everyone was tagged in that one room.  If you wore the robe then you were obviously the one with an issue.  The non robed women were just there as support people.  The office just deals with people with issues…if you find a lump, need an MRI, have breast cancer or like me…are a genetic mutant.  So, noone was there for their happy little annual mammogram (ha…as if any mammogram is happy).

I had a mammogram.  It was not a big deal.  It’s uncomfortable but not painful.  I then moved to the next waiting area where I was called back for an ultrasound.  Ultrasound can find even more than a mammogram and is good for dense breast tissue.  Then I moved to the last waiting area…waiting to talk to my doctor.  My mom was with me the whole time…chatting it up with ladies all around me.  It was good to have her there but I enjoyed the time alone on my own as well.  I like to be alone in these type situations.  It feels easier to actually deal with and cope with the problem.

My doctor showed us the ultrasound results and she showed me that I have two areas with cysts.  She recommends that I have them biopsied in office soon.  I schedule an appointment for November 11th to have that done.  It’s a pain to deal with insurance and paying so much at the end of the year but the mister and I agreed that it’s worth it and we would really be mad if we didn’t do something and it ended up being cancer and we didn’t have the 2 month jump on dealing with it.  We’ll come up with a way to pay for it or come up with a payment plan.

How do I feel about them finding cysts in my breasts?  It is what it is.  I don’t feel worried.  Should I be worried?  I don’t know.  I don’t usually worry about things like this.  I worry about things I think I have control over and this I just don’t really feel like I have any control over.  Maybe that’s why it feels simple.

I wanted to cry tonight.  It feels good to cry sometimes.  It just didn’t come easy tonight.

I have three plastic surgeons to meet with.  I want to speak with each of them and find out what kind of reconstruction they recommend for me.


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